That is right, folks. Southern Charm is back! We have a new cast member, and it seems like they are upping Whitner’s participation this season. They are definitely rehashing much of that reunion, while it also seems like the reunion was recent or within months to when they started taping the show.

Venita is one of the worst friends in the history of friends to go to for advice. She does what she did to Salley all of the time. It is like she preys on someone’s weak moments and scolds them about the very thing they need help with, and even if she is correct, her delivery is always harsh. I think she yells her reply. Besides that, she needs to be monogamous or she needs to keep her opinions to herself. She also should not need a pat on the back for giving decent advice. There were times last season when she got angry at Salley while telling her, “I told you so.” Like I said, I think yelled.

As for the new girl, Allie, she is already stirring up the pot with this group. She has come out with a bang, which, by the way, every Bravo show like this is continuous. Why do they use the “To Be Continued” thing at the end? I am now anxious to hear what Allie has to say. She evidently dated or hung out with Austin about eight months ago, and Allie has this Anne Hathaway thing going for her.

Speaking of Austin and Salley, they need to stop making out. That is not normal behavior for people who are just friends, and if they are having sex, dealing this way never ends well. It is what Shep said, in that he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too, or whatever that stupid saying is, which I agree with Shep on. Why do those sayings never make any sense? You can’t have your cake and eat it too. What does that even mean? You cannot have Salley waiting in the wings until after you are done failing to hook up with another woman?

This season looks spicy, and this first episode did not disappoint. Though I want to hear the Austin and Allie conversation, and I want to see if they confront Shep if the truth is being stretched.

I have seen the season highlights now for the third time, and honestly, it seems like there are so many monumental moments that are going to happen this year. Shep’s ex (Taylor) comes back, two girls are hiding in a locked back room in some house while someone bangs omn the door, and there is one argument between every cast member and another, so there are many fights, while Madison scolds Craig for putting his finger in his face.

Anyway, we have a back-to-the-future opening with them at a table in Maui, and Whitney chimes in to confront what is a “triangle,” which the Whitner, Austin, and Allie combo seems too easy. Besides, Austin and Allie already addressed it at the end of this episode. I predict Craig and her hook up.

In one of the early scenes, and after a melee of other scenes from the reunion and in confessionals or highlights from last season, we get to watch Austin be a total dork by dressing up his two cats, Piper and Martini. Piper is from the Phish song, and I guess he likes to drink, so Martini is where those names come from. Oh yeah, he does hook up with Molly like we see in that highlight reel. Honestly, I think that’s a great idea. Her redone vagina scares me, which is an irony of sorts considering she has had work done down there, and I assume her chest is enhanced or whatever it’s called. Plus, she has had lots of work done. Otherwise, that is a total score in my eyes. She seems like a great sport with regard to casual sex, which is a woman up my alley, so to speak.

It also comes out that Craig “forced” his way into “isolation” by flying to Switzerland to ski. I do think that is more of a “getaway” than it is isolation, however, I think what he meant is that he does not leave the house much these days. I forgot about the reunion and how they piled on Craig. In these scenes, it seems like they piled on, but it was literally one bad thing Craig did last year after another, times three or four scenes. He mostly needed to get through the breakup, which we should not discount, since we saw him happy on WWHL soon after the breakup. He needs to go through his thing to get better control of his life. If he thinks anyone has a point, I am sure he will at least try to course correct. He also needs to be nice.

Craig also nabbed a real acting gig on the new TV series Caroline Fletcher, with Chris Elliott, Caroline Aaron (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel), Drew Van Acker, and Katrina Bowden. That airs in 2027. I think it’s a pretty big deal, but I do wonder if he can act.

I saw that Ariana Madix is not only back on St. Denis, she also has a huge role now and is Bruce’s girlfriend. It’s cringeworthy, which is the point, but Ariana is the real deal. She is a great actor.

Regardless, not that he is needed, but I also wondered, when I heard about Craig’s getting real acting gigs, what about his Sewing Down South store on King Street in downtown Charleston. Is that still a viable company?

Shep grew a beard, but he still does not get it, as he says in a confessional that he has not found the worthy one yet, letting us know that he will always be the man in that relationship. What did he say? That he has not found anyone who can demand his full attention? What a dick. Because that is what is love is Shep. Someone that can cater to his every need and at the same time, what? Not bore him.

I would bet the house that in his family lineage, which will not even go back that far, they used slaves.

That in itself is why he needs to come down a bit from whatever his parents handed him, because that is not impressive, and he has no real self-awareness that it is weak. Just having money and doing nothing real with it is weak. Same with Whitney, although he at least created this show. Both of them should be humble, let alone thankful, that they do not have to worry about money. They both do not even try to do anything, either, besides writing a book and being on a reality show. I guess if they both stay off drugs, they should be fine.

I will tell you how Madison does seem like a great parent. Her temperament is amazing after her kid slept for only two hours overnight. Her description of it was so mellow, like “Yeah, whatever, I have to run to a party.”

Molly and her boyfriend broke up amicably because of scheduling issues. Venita likes Whitner, but Whitner likes Allie, and this entire dynamic is hard to watch. Whitner does flirt with her, and I am not quite sure yet what to make of his and Molly’s relationship. I think it’s just friends, but I think they both flirt and may lead each other on in some ways. I am not sure. But it is clear that Whitner is courting Allie in this episode. He asked her out, sorta, and she said yes, sorta.

We mentioned Austin and Salley and how they talk three times a day and “make out” when they are out together. After, I guess, Austin exhausts going through the girls at whatever bar they are at, he can fall back on Salley and make out with her at the end of a given night. I have to assume they have had actual sex, and to be honest, in my world, if someone said they made out, that meant they hooked up for real. But in the highlights, Austin yells at a crying Salley about them not being together, and that just means Austin found someone else. Like we said, Austin always wanted to have his cake and eat it too. Austin was, however, dating Allie a few months when the reunion aired, and he kept that from whomever, especially Salley.

Charlie is still with the dude Justin from Southern Hospitality. I do not get that one, or it came out of left field to state yet another cliché that makes no sense.

Venita held an event referred to as the Garden of Eden. Because Charleston events all need a theme for some reason, this one had a garden-like theme to it.

We spoke about the end of the episode this week. Shep told Allie that Austin ended it because she did not have sex with him, and so Allie confronted Austin about it, which is where the episode ended this week. It is to be continued, even though it’s implied that it is always to be continued, but at the same time, like I said, I am anxious to hear where that lands. I think I just made up a cliché by changing “we will see where it lands” to “hear.”